Why go through the effort of establishing nomenclature for every variation of queer identity if they’re going to be used as tools of division? - Buck Angel

I recently came out as a lesbian after years of identifying as bi. As you can imagine, given my relationship with A, this caused some waves. I realized earlier this year that I have, indeed, really always been a lesbian and have dated men in the past for various reasons but very few of them were truly romantic. I even thought myself a few times that I was with a man for romantic reasons, but looking back on it now, I wasn't really.

My mother asked me when I was 15 if I was a lesbian and , due to the type of household I lived in and my step dads loud homophobia, and to my own unsureness that comes with being 15, I said no. I should have said yes, because I was, even if I didn't really know it fully yet.

Anyhow, the interesting part of this story is this. I have a girlfriend, have had her for almost 6 months now and she is moving to Nova Scotia with me in the fall....but so is A. I still live with A, we still share a bed and I still have deep feelings for him, there is no question about that, but... I'm a lesbian. So...this is where the trouble comes because both some of my straight family members and friends and my queer friends just can't understand this. How could I possibly be a lesbian and not have dumped A yet? If I care for a man and have him actively in my life, I cannot call myself a lesbian, I am confused, or lying or...something apparently. But in that article I took that quote from it talks about sexual identity having not to do so much with what is in your pants and how you choose to use those parts but has much more to do with what is in your head and your heart. 

So yes, I am with A in a non-conventional way, but I am a lesbian, there is no question about that. A knows and I think he sort of understands but clearly this is not what he signed up for at the beginning of our relationship, so... if he decides to leave and find someone else I certainly wouldn't fault him for that but I do care about him and want him around so I hope he doesn't. I am just really pissed at the judgment being passed on me for how I have chosen to identify and how it conflicts with some people on their views on how I should conduct my life to be in line with what they think my identity means.

Truth be told I am still trying to figure it all out myself.