6/25/10

The end

So my relationship with my girlfriend is..I don't know what it is. Right now I feel like it is over. She has changed enormously in the last couple of months and the path she is on now does not fit with me.
I am mad about it and upset. She pretty much took everything we were planning...our little sustainable farm, our potential child and all the things we wanted to build together and tossed it out the window in favor of this "spiritual journey" she is on, which I don't understand.
We have not really had much contact with each other in the last week or so and that combined with a number of things prompted me to sit down and have a good talk with her yesterday. I broached the subject of the amount of drugs she has been using lately, which bothers me a great deal because I am concerned for her well being and i honestly do not believe there is any drug in the world you can use with frequency that will not have a negative effect on you. I also brought up that I felt that she was no longer interested in our plans together and how that was making me sad and uncomfortable. She confirmed all my fears by saying she was not interested in it anymore. I love(d) her very, very, very much and am crushed that she does not want to have a life with me anymore. She confirmed it was nothing I did, which is right because nothing has changed for me. It was basically the whole "it's not you , it's me" thing. Bah!

I will say this, however. As mad and confused as I am about it, I am thankful I had her in my life. She helped me realize who I am and what I truly want...I am just sad that I cannot have it with her.

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